The
truth about public speaking, however,
is IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE STRESSFUL! If you correctly
understand the hidden causes of public speaking
stress, and if you keep just a few key
principles in mind, speaking in public will
soon become an invigorating and satisfying experience
for you.
Purpose
Of This Report
The purpose of this Special Report is to help you overcome
the fear of public speaking. It begins
by discussing ten key principles to always keep in mind.
If you approach any problem in life with the right starting
principles, everything else will fall into place. On
the other hand, if you start with the wrong
guiding principles, you can try all you want, but
there is little chance you'll improve.
This
Report also reveals eleven "hidden" causes
of public speaking stress. I have summarized
these eleven causes, along with the ten key principles,
at the end of this Report, so you can easily review
them.
Key
Principles
Principle #1--Speaking in Public is NOT Inherently
Stressful
Most
of us believe parts of life are inherently stressful.
In fact, most of us have been taught to believe that
life as a whole is very stressful!
To
deal with any type of stress effectively, you first
must understand that life itself, including public
speaking, is NOT inherently stressful. Thousands
of human beings have learned to speak in front of groups
with little or no stress at all. Many of these people
were initially terrified to speak
in public. Their knees would shake, their voices
would tremble, their thoughts would become jumbled .
. . you know the rest. Yet they learned to eliminate
their fear of public speaking completely.
You
are no more or less human than they are. If they can
conquer the fear of public speaking,
so can you! It just takes the right guiding principles,
the right understanding, and the right plan of action
to make this goal a reality.
Believe
me, it's not difficult. I'm a good example of someone
who conquered the fear of public speaking.
And while I didn't do it overnight, it wasn't difficult.
All it took was approaching the problem in the right
way.
Principle
#2--You Don't have to be Brilliant or Perfect to Succeed
Many
of us have observed public speakers and thought to ourselves
"Wow, I could never be that smart, calm, witty,
entertaining, polished . . . or whatever." Well,
I've got news for you-- you don't have to be brilliant,
witty, or perfect to succeed. That is not what public
speaking is all about. I know it may look that
way, but it's not. You can be average. You can be below
average. You can make mistakes, get tongue-tied, or
forget whole segments of your talk. You can even tell
no jokes at all and still be
successful.
It
all depends on how you, and your audience, define "success."
Believe me, your audience doesn't expect perfection.
I used to think most audiences did, but I was wrong!
Before I discovered this, I used to put incredible pressure
on myself to deliver a perfect performance. I worked
for days to prepare a talk. I stayed up nights worrying
about making mistakes. I spent hours and hours
rehearsing what I was going to say. And you know
what? All this did was make me even more anxious! The
more perfect I tried to be, the worse I did! It was
all very disheartening (not to mention unnecessary).
The
essence of public speaking is this: give
your audience something of value. That's all there is
to it. If people in your audience walk away with something
(anything) of value, they will consider you a success.
If they walk away feeling better about themselves, feeling
better about some job they have to do, they will consider
you a success. If they walk away feeling happy or entertained,
they will consider their time with you worthwhile.
Even
if you pass out, get tongue-tied, or say something stupid
during your talk . . . they won't care! As long as they
get something of value, they will be thankful.
They
don't even need to feel good to consider you a success.
If you criticize people, or if you stir them up to ultimately
benefit them, they might still appreciate you, even
though you didn't make them feel good at the time.
Principle
#3--All You Need is Two or Three Main Points
You
don't have to deliver mountains of facts or details
to give your audience what they truly want. Many studies
have shown that people remember very few of the facts
or information speakers convey. While you may choose
to include lots of facts and information, you only need
to make two or three main points to have your talk be
successful. You can even have your whole talk be about
only one key point, if you wish.
When
I first began speaking in public during medical school
(kicking, screaming, and quivering all the way), I wasn't
aware of this simple principle. I wrongly believed that
my audience wanted encyclopedic knowledge from me, which
of course I didn't have. So I tried to research
my topic thoroughly and deliver as much worldly wisdom
as possible.
Boy
was that exhausting! It was also boring for my audience
to suffer through.
Later,
when I began giving public seminars on how to cope with
stress, I spent hours each week typing a twenty-page
script to read from, so I wouldn't forget any important
tidbit.
As
time went on, I gradually learned that this degree of
complexity wasn't needed. As a result, the length of
my discussion notes gradually declined. My twenty-page
typed manuscript gave way to a five-page detailed outline.
Then, I replaced my outline with ten or fifteen index
cards. Eventually, I could conduct a full two-hour seminar
with only one 3X5 index card (containing my two or three
key points) to support me!
As
long as I focused on these two or three key points,
I was able to speak at length about them by naturally
drawing upon my past experiences and knowledge.
Remember,
all your audience wants from you is to walk away with
one or two key points that will make a difference to
them. If you structure your talks to deliver this result,
you can avoid lots of complexity that isn't really needed.
This also should make your job as a speaker much easier,
and more fun too!
Principle
#4--You also Need a Purpose That is Right for the Task
This
principle is very important . . . so please listen up.
One big mistake people make when they speak in public
is they have the wrong purpose in mind. Often, they
have no specific purpose in mind, but the one that is
operating within them unconsciously causes a whole lot
of unnecessary stress and anxiety.
This
is a prime example of what I call a "hidden cause"
of public speaking stress. When I first
started speaking in public, I thought my purpose was
to get everyone in the audience to approve of me. I
mistakenly thought that this was what good public speakers
try to do. I wasn't consciously aware of this purpose,
nor how foolish it was, but it was there nonetheless.
Because
of this hidden purpose, I felt I needed to be absolutely
perfect and brilliant to win my audience's unanimous
approval. If just one person in the audience disapproved
. . . my goose was cooked! If one person left early,
if anyone fell asleep, or if someone looked uninterested
in what I was saying . . . I was defeated!
This
was very anxiety-producing.
Later,
after I became aware of this stress-producing purpose,
I was able to look at it honestly and realize how foolish
it was. How many public speakers get 100% approval from
their audiences? The answer is zero!
The
truth about public speaking is no matter
how good a job you do . . . someone is going to disapprove
of either you or your argument. That is just human nature.
In a large group of people, there will always be a diversity
of opinions, judgements, and reactions. Some will be
positive, others will be negative.
There
is no rhyme or reason to it. If you do a lousy job,
some people will sympathize with you and feel for you,
while others will critique you harshly. If you do a
fantastic job, someone will resent your ability and
might disapprove of you on that basis alone. Some people
will leave early because of an emergency. Some will
fall asleep because they were up all night taking care
of a sick child. Therefore, it's foolish and unrealistic
to attempt to get everyone in your audience to think
well of you.
More
importantly, it's the wrong type of purpose to adopt
in the first place.
Remember,
the essence of public speaking is to give
your audience something of value. The operative word
here is GIVE not GET! The purpose of public speaking
is not for you to get something (approval, fame, respect,
sales, clients, etc.) from your audience. It is to give
something useful to your audience.
Yes,
if you do this well, you'll gain notoriety, respect,
sales, and new clients. But this should never be your
organizing purpose going in. If you focus on giving
as much as you can to your audience, you will then be
aligned with the truth about public speaking.
You also will avoid one of the biggest pitfalls that
cause people to experience public speaking
anxiety.
Giving
of yourself is rarely stressful or anxiety producing.
When I give a talk to a group of people, I often imagine
myself handing out $1,000 bills to everyone in the audience.
I try to give them at least that much value. If a few
individuals in the group reject this "gift,"
it no longer surprises or demoralizes me. I no longer
expect anything different.
Principle
#5--The Best Way to Succeed is Not to consider Yourself
a Public Speaker!
While
it may seem paradoxical, the best way to succeed as
a public speaker is not to consider yourself a public
speaker at all.
Many
of us have distorted, exaggerated views of what successful
public speakers do. We often assume that to be successful
ourselves, we must strive very hard to bring forth certain
idealistic qualities we presently lack.
Consequently,
we struggle desperately to emulate those personal characteristics
of other speakers which we wrongly believe are responsible
for their public speaking success.
In
other words, we try to become someone other than ourselves!
We try to be a public speaker, whatever that image means
to us.
The
truth about public speaking is that most
successful speakers got that way by doing just the opposite!
They didn't try to be like somebody else. They just
gave themselves permission to be themselves in front
of other people. And much to their surprise, they discovered
how much fun they could have doing something most other
people dread.
The
secret, then, to their success is that they didn't try
to become public speakers!
You
and I can do the very same thing. No matter what type
of person we are, or what skills and talents we possess,
we can stand up in front of others and fully be ourselves.
I
now love to speak in public. Why? Because it's one of
the few times I give myself permission to fully be myself
in the presence of others. I can be bold, compassionate,
silly, informative, helpful, witty . . . anything I
want. I can tell jokes, which I don't normally do, tell
humorous or poignant stories, or do anything else that
feels natural in the moment.
As
a result, I make much better contact with my audience.
I don't drone on and on about some uninteresting subject.
I'm alive, I'm energized, I'm fully invested in everything
I say and do. That's another gift I can give my audience.
It also allows me to tell when I've gone on too long
or when the people who are listening to me begin to
drift away.
When
you really get good at being yourself in front of others,
you can even stand up in front of a group of people
without any idea how you're going to get across your
two or three main points. Sometimes, I enjoy throwing
myself in front of a group without knowing specifically
what I'm going to say. I just focus on my three main
points and remember I'm there to give people something
of value. Then I give myself permission to say whatever
comes to mind. In many instances, I say things I've
never said before! They just come out of me spontaneously
while "being with my audience." Sometimes,
I'm truly amazed at some of the things I end up saying
or doing.
And
you know what? People in the audience often come up
to me afterward and say, "you were great, I wish
I had the confidence to give public talks like you."
That's exactly the wrong way to think. Don't try to
give talks the way I do, or the way anyone else does.
Just go out there, armed with a little knowledge and
a few key points, and be yourself. Everything else will
usually work out. It might be a little rough the first
few times you try it, but after a while, you'll settle
into some very successful ways of being that will be
all yours and no one else's.
Principle
#6--Humility and Humor Can Go a Long Way
While
each person will eventually find his or her style of
public speaking, certain maneuvers can
be used by almost everyone. Two of these, humility and
humor, can go a long way to making your talks more enjoyable
and entertaining for your audience.
Humor
is well understood by most of us, so little needs to
be said about it here. If being humorous feels comfortable
for you, or if it fits your speaking situation, go for
it. It usually works, even if you don't do it perfectly.
By
humility, I mean standing up in front of others and
sharing some of your own human frailties, weaknesses,
and mistakes. We all have weaknesses, you know, and
when you stand up in front of others and show that you're
not afraid to admit yours, you create a safe, intimate
climate where others can acknowledge their personal
shortcomings as well.
Being
humble in front of others makes you more credible, more
believable, and paradoxically more respected. People
can connect with you more easily. You become "one
of them" instead of a remote expert who's head
and shoulders above them (which you really aren't).
It also sets a tone of honesty and self-acceptance,
which people recognize in themselves as well. Don't
try to do this, however, if it's not authentic for you.
True humility is easily distinguished from the pretense
of acting humble. If you pretend, your audience will
perceive this and lose respect for you.
Often,
humor and humility can be combined very effectively.
Telling humorous stories about yourself, or using your
own personal failings to demonstrate some point you
are trying to make, can be both entertaining and illuminating.
For
example, if you get nervous when you stand up to speak
in front of a group, or if you suddenly feel nervous
during the middle of your talk, don't hide this fact
from your audience (they can tell anyway). Be real--and
humble--by acknowledging your fear openly and honestly.
Ask your audience for forgiveness while you take a few
moments to collect yourself.
Or,
you can start your talk with a humorous story that produces
the same effect. For example, I've seen speakers begin
their talks by saying "What lies at the bottom
of the ocean and shakes all over?" Answer: a nervous
wreck! This is a very endearing strategy that also helps
relieve speaking anxiety.
Principle
#7--When You Speak in Public, Nothing "Bad"
Can Ever Happen!
One
thing that adds to the fear of public speaking
is the dread people have that something awful, terrible,
or publicly humiliating will happen to them.
What
if I pass out from nervous exhaustion? What if I forget
everything I intended to say and am left standing there,
totally speechless? What if the audience hates me and
begins throwing things at me?
What
if they all get up and leave after the first ten minutes?
What if they snipe at me with harsh questions or comments
once I'm done? What if someone in the audience tries
to turn the group against me?
These
could be embarrassing if they occurred. Fortunately,
most of them don't happen.
Even
when they do, it's useful to have a strategy in mind
that has them turn out perfect. Sound difficult? It's
not really.
I've
found that most of the "negative" things that
happen when I'm speaking can be handled by keeping this
one simple, but powerful, principle in mind: everything
that happens can be used to my advantage.
If
people get up and start to head for the door, I can
stop what I'm doing and ask for feedback. Was there
something about my topic, my style, or my manner of
presentation that was offensive to them? Were
they simply in the wrong room at the start and didn't
know it? Did someone misinform them about what my talk
was going to cover?
Regardless
of what they tell me, just stopping to deal with this
situation, honestly and humbly, will often score points
with my remaining audience. It also will give me the
opportunity to learn how I am affecting people, so I
can make any corrections that might be needed.
Even
if everyone walked out and refused to give me a reason,
I could ultimately find ways to benefit from this experience.
At the very least, I could use it as the opening for
my next presentation. "You know, I gave
this same talk the other day and everyone in the audience
walked out in the first ten minutes. That's my current
record, so I guess we'll just have to see what happens
today."
The
same principle holds for dealing with hecklers or people
who ask harsh or confrontational questions. If you assume
that nothing truly bad can ever happen when you're speaking
in public, you'll be amazed how well you can relate
to such events and how often you can indeed use them
to your advantage.
And
once you've successfully used this principle many times,
your anxiety about public speaking will
almost completely go away. You'll know it will be virtually
impossible for anything "bad" to happen that
you won't be able to handle. That is a very comforting
thought.
TIP:
If you want a good role model for developing this skill,
rent a video tape of Johnny Carson's opening monologues.
He was a master at using this principle. No matter how
his audience responded, Carson was always ready to use
their response, positive or negative, to make another
joke. He simply couldn't lose, even if the material
his writers provided him was rotten.
Principle
#8--You Don't Have to Control the Behavior of Your Audience
To
succeed as a public speaker, you don't have to control
the behavior of your audience. There are certain things
you do need to control--your own thoughts, your preparation,
arrangements for audio-visual aids, how the room is
laid out--but one thing you don't have to control is
your audience. They will do whatever they do, and whatever
they do will usually be "perfect."
If
people are fidgety or restless, don't try to control
this. If someone is talking to a neighbor, or reading
the newspaper, or falling asleep, leave them alone.
If people look like they aren't paying attention, refrain
from chastising them. Unless someone is being intentionally
disruptive, there is very little you need to control.
Thinking
you need to change or control other people is a hidden
cause of stress in many areas of life. This is just
as true for relating to a group as it is for relating
to your friends, spouse, children, or other acquaintances.
Principle
#9--In General, the More You Prepare, the Worse You Will
Do
Preparation
is useful for any public appearance. How you prepare,
however, and how much time you need to spend are other
matters entirely.
Many
of the errors in thinking we've discussed so far often
creep in to people's strategies for preparation. If
you have the wrong focus (i.e., purpose), if you try
to do too much, if you want everyone to applaud your
every word, if you fear something bad might happen or
you might make a minor mistake, then you can easily
drive yourself crazy trying to overprepare your talk.
In these instances, the more effort you put in, the
worse you probably will do.
On
the other hand, if you know your subject well, or if
you've spoken about it many times before, you may only
need a few minutes to prepare sufficiently. All you
might need is to remind yourself of the two or three
key points you want to make, along with several good
examples and supporting facts and . . . BOOM you're
ready to go.
Overpreparation
usually means you either don't know your subject well
or you do, but you don't feel confident about your ability
to speak about it in public. In the former instance,
you'll need to do some extra research. In the latter,
you'll need to develop trust in your natural ability
to speak successfully. The only way to do this is to
put yourself in the spotlight, over and over again.
Go
out and solicit opportunities to speak on your subject
in public. Offer to speak free or for a small fee, enough
to cover your expenses. If you have something of value
to tell others, keep getting in front of people and
deliver it. In no time at all, you'll gain confidence.
You'll also begin to respect the natural public speaker/communicator
within you.
Principle
#10--Your Audience Truly Wants You to Succeed
The
last principle to remember is that your audience truly
wants you to succeed. Most of them are scared to death
of public speaking, just like you. They
know the risk of embarrassment, humiliation, and failure
you take every time you present yourself in public.
They feel for you. They will admire your courage. And
they will be on your side, no matter what happens.
This
means that most audiences are truly forgiving. While
a slip of the tongue or a mistake of any kind might
seem a big deal to you, it's not very meaningful or
important to your audience. Their judgements and appraisals
will usually be much more lenient than yours. It's useful
to remind yourself of this point, especially when you
think you've performed poorly.
Review
Of 11 Hidden Causes Of Public Speaking Stress
